Un-Authentic Luau Food

So for food group this week I decided to try something really funky and different. Alright, what else is new, you're thinking? Since summer is approaching, I had an intense lust for Kalua pork, which used to be served at this fantastic little Hawaiian joint that shut down a few years ago. So I went searching for a recipe and happened upon a Kalua chicken recipe. Why stop there? In my high school cooking class we had the opportunity to make foods from around the world and one gal made up a gooey batch of coconut rolls and they have yet to leave my memory so I decided to add that to the menu. Then I got thinking about coleslaw in all its crunchy goodness and dredged up a Hawaiian coleslaw recipe and gave it my own flair. So today's menu:

Luau Food A'la Amy.

We'll start with the Kalua Chicken:

Get yourself about 6-8 lbs of chicken. (I used frozen because its cheaper)

Get yourself a bottle of smoke flavoring ($1 at Walmart)

Find yourself about 1/3 cup of course Sea Salt (DO NOT USE IODIZED TABLE SALT! Your face with pickle like a prune)

Add two cups of water to a big crock pot, stir in the salt and smoke and chuck in the chicken.

Set it on low for 6-8 hours until thoroughly steamy and smoky-licious.

Shred with a fork into the remaining juices. I actually got a potato masher and just pressed it into pieces. It seemed to work.

Next up, Sweet & Gooey Coconut Rolls;

If you're going to do rolls from scratch, good on ya. I used frozen Terrel's dough (best dough this side of the Mississippi) and let the frozen dough balls thaw and rise a bit.

Find yourself a can of Coconut Milk and pour half over the rising dough. Be sure to shake the can well or dump it in a bowl and stir in all the lumpy coconut fat until smooth. Mmm...coconut fat.

What do you do with the other half of the coconut milk? Why make another batch of rolls, dummy!

Never waste coconut milk. It is a sin in multiple countries.

Just because I'm a little strange, I gave the tops of the rolls a shot of cinnamon.

What's better than coconut and cinnamon?

Bake these luscious doughy-wonders at 350 until they are firm on top. They don't brown easily and if you let them brown they may be too done. They will soak up the coconut milk as they cook.

And now, Hawaiian Coleslaw;

This was a big experiment on my behalf. I had a recipe but it just didn't live up to the weirdness in my blood so I had to weird it up a little to get it right. :)

Start with your red and white cabbage/carrot mix. Once again, doing it from scratch is up to you. The bagged stuff works great because it is dry and the sauce sticks. But, it is your coleslaw. To bag or not to bag...that is your question.

Take 1/3 cup mayonnaise

1/4 teaspoon ginger

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

a pinch of salt

1 cup crushed pineapple w/ juice

1/3 cup craisins

1/3 cup shredded coconut

2 tbs sugar

and 1/3 cup crazy.

 (The crazy is up to you. I used a Caribbean spice mix that gave it a kick. You do not have to do this.)

Mix well then toss with the dry cabbage/carrot mixture.

Let it sit for a few hours to soak in the goodness.

These foods are pretty good by themselves but the key to unlocking the awesome power of this meal is in the cramming of them, all together, into one bite. I served some brown rice with the chicken for those who can't handle the awesome in one mouthful. The meat juices makes a good flavor-enhancer for the rice or roll-dip if you're into Au Ju.

But if you are into flavor-packed deliciousness...here is what you do;

Split a gooey roll, top with chicken. Then slaw.

Shove that baby in your mouth.

It. Is. Awesome.

Enjoy!

-A.S.